I have seen Him heal and I have seen my healing prayers go unanswered. Having the experience of both has left me a little confused and my faith a little shaken at times. I know I will never understand all that God does – obviously my finite mind cannot understand an infinite God – but I desire to have God’s healing be a visible, regular part of my journey of faith. Although my experience of his healing has been varied, my understanding of his great desire and ability to heal is only growing stronger!
My greatest healing experience was when God healed me of the physical struggle of anorexia. It was incredible!! It was unexpected. And it changed my life forever! I had only known Jesus as my Lord and savior for a few months. I went to a prophetic conference at one of my friend’s churches. The conference was an experience that I had never known before. I was fairly overwhelmed by the level of “craziness” I saw when I first got there. People were dancing all over the room, praying in unknown languages, blowing on the horns of animals, waving banners, prophesying, and singing their hearts out! I had never seen anything like it! I knew God was a big God, but I’d never seen a group of people so willing to let go of social norms in pursuit and worship of Him.
I worshipped calmly, but continued to be overwhelmed by the presence of God in that room. By the end of the night, I had been experiencing a twitching in my shoulder for several hours and it was wearing me out. I told my friend about it and she said she’d get someone to pray with me. She got her pastor and he came over to talk to me. He knew things about me I had not told anyone and that no one had told him. He asked me if I had ever struggled with an eating disorder. I was surprised by this question because I had struggled with anorexia for years, but wasn’t in a current season of intense struggle. I told him I had anorexia for years. He said he thought God wanted to heal me of that tonight. Great! Let’s do it! We began to pray together and before I knew what happened, I had fallen over and was laying on the floor.
Now, let me pause here a moment, I had seen other people falling over that night and I had seen it before on tv, but I always thought they were just messing around. But there I was, laid out on the floor, knowing I was not playing and had not planned to fall over.
So, I’m laying on the floor and the pastor is still praying for me. I felt some horrible, icky thing being pulled up and off my entire body, almost from my insides. Then I felt a warmth and peace start to flow down over my head and continue down the rest of my body. I was laying on a cement floor, but had never felt more comfortable in my life! My eyes were closed, but I could hear what was going on around me. I had no desire to open my eyes or to get up off the floor. So strange and incredible!
After a while, I did open my eyes and get up off the floor. I didn’t really know what had happened, yet. What I did know was that I was really hungry and needed to eat. I went home and made myself a feast. As I began to eat what I had prepared, I realized the food tasted really good. I could feel the texture of the food on my tongue in a way I had never felt it before. I ate and ate and ate. Finally, my hunger was satisfied. Previous to that night, I had never really liked food. I didn’t like eating. It was a burden, not a joy. Filet mignon or a bean burrito were the same to me because the flavors were dull and boring.
After that night, I realized God had completely changed the way I related to food. I desired to eat. When I was hungry, I no longer enjoyed the satisfaction of remaining hungry, as I had as an anorexic. I enjoyed food! This was so foreign to me, but I have grown to really appreciate it. God healed in me what I could never have done for myself. He restored a part of me that had been broken for my entire life.
I didn’t realize it that day, but later I remembered that I had been praying for many months that I would see myself through God’s eyes. Every time I looked in the mirror and started picking myself apart, finding all my flaws, I would stop myself and pray. I’d ask God to show me how to see myself through God’s eyes. I knew somewhere deep inside that when God looked at me, He was delighted by what He saw. His precious daughter, his amazing creation! My thoughts were so different and so defeating and I knew I needed his renewal of my mind.
I continued on the journey of healing. God did the part only He could do and I did my part, too. I sought out counseling to deal with the issues that had led to my eating disorder. I did the hard work of learning healthy behaviors, like shopping at the grocery store and planning meals. I learned that I needed to take time to care for myself by eating, no matter how busy or stressful my life was.
God is incredible! His love for each of us is something we cannot truly understand. He desires to heal us and to restore our heart to his. This healing has given me the courage to know that God wants to heal me, not just other people, but ME! My prayer is that you would trust God to do the healing work in your life, too! He is faithful in his love for you!!