When What You Love Comes Back to Bite You…

or kick you or scream in your face. Yes, I am speaking from experience and unfortunately, I’m not speaking metaphorically. I have two beautiful daughters who are intelligent, insightful, sensitive and stubborn. Lately, my eldest has been exhibiting behaviors I thought we left in the past. She is throwing epic tantrums! These tantrums include blood-curdling screams, hateful words and, if I’m in range, kicking and hitting. Now, if you are not a parent, this may seem like I need parenting classes and should really get control of my child. If you are a parent, you are probably already nodding your head while visions of your own children’s tantrums are running through your memory. (Sorry about that!)

I’m not surprised by the tantrums, as my family has told me innumerable times about the “fits” I used to throw. The part that does surprise me, is how much my heart is hurt by my daughter’s outbursts. I try not to take personally her bad behavior, but somehow it still creeps into my heart. I adore my daughter. I am a stay-at-home mom who actively seeks to improve my parenting. I desire to know my daughters deeply and to learn how to nourish them into healthy, successful, joyful adults. I dedicate crazy levels of time and energy into creating a home and a life for them that will facilitate this journey. So, when my daughter screams, “You’re the meanest mommy in the world!!!!” it is pretty hard not to take it personally. I know logically, that all my investment into her soul will yield an incredible harvest someday, but in the meantime I am humbled and hurt by what seems like my failure.

As I was pondering this today, I was thinking about my relationship with God. I always learn more about God’s love for me through my experiences as a parent. I was thinking, “Do I throw these kind of fits to God?” I believe the answer is yes. I can think of many instances where I have cried out to God in anger and sadness, blaming him for something in my life that didn’t go the way I wanted. I wonder if he feels, like I do with my daughter, blindsided by my accusations and anger directed to him. All he is doing for me is good, so why do I blame him and get angry at him for things he had nothing to do with? Romans 12:2 says, “ Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

God is good. His will for my life is not just good, but pleasing and perfect. Why do I blame him for the ugliness I encounter in this world? Am I able to separate the good from the bad? Growth from disappointment? Am I willing to trust that God is good even when life is hard? I pray that I am able to do this with greater and greater ease, not only for my own benefit, but as an example to my daughters.

How about you? Have you been blaming God for things in your life he had nothing to do with? Are you willing to let those disappointments go in order to enter into greater intimacy with the One who loves you completely and desires only your good? I pray that you will!

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